It seems like the season for breakups right now—many of the young men I mentor are walking through it. I’ve gotten used to giving the same advice, so it seemed wise to write it down.

Breaking up is always hard. But it can be done in a way that moves us forward and leaves minimal scarring on our soul. Here are a few tips for healing well— in a way that even your ex would have to admire.

Be Patient with Grief

Understand that breaking up is a real loss, like your grandparent dying or your dog getting run over. You’ll go through the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’ll hurt for a while, as it should! Time heals if we process it rightly—this too shall pass, and you’ll feel alive again. Don’t shortcut it; the heart heals well, but it has to hurt first.

Resist the Rebound Reflex

Sometimes it’s tempting to start talking to another woman too soon. Maybe we are trying to fill the sudden emptiness. Or maybe you want to make your ex jealous. Or maybe your pride is injured and you need to prove to yourself or others that you are still appealing.

Don’t! All of those reasons are toxic fuel for a relationship. And they are usually subconscious so you don’t realize why you’re doing it. Guard your heart in this vulnerable time. Commit to no dating for 6 months or a year, until you’re healed and whole—not needy, hoping someone completes you.

Let Yourself Hurt—Bravely

The pain is real; don’t numb it with rebounds, relapse, drugs, alcohol, or binging anything. Stick to a balanced routine—gym, whole food, sleep—even when you don’t feel like it. Cry, talk to close friends (but avoid triangulating about the ex), and process the loss fully. Facing real emotion takes courage; avoiding it is cowardice. Be a man and cry.

Learn from the Pain

Never waste a hard time. Squeeze all the wisdom you can out of it. Get your journal write. List your mistakes, things to do differently next time, your “my kind of girl” traits, red flags you ignored. Write a letter to your future self or the “you” who started this relationship. Get the wisdom on paper so you don’t repeat the same errors.

That grief is a gift—a reminder we’re made for a bigger whole, and no girl will ever fully fill it. What is that grief here to teach you? Write that in the journal too.

Reframe the Loss

Think not just of what you lost, but what you got saved from—the toxic future dodged, the money saved, the extra time you gained, the doors now open. Sometimes “loss” is actually great gain. Holla!

Cut Ties Cleanly

Don’t badmouth your ex—that’s pathetic. Avoid texts, social media stalking, passive-aggressive posts, or victim rants that keep you stuck. It’s over. Journal the bitterness, put down the pen, and walk forward.

Build a Glorious Future

Men who learn from the past without getting bitter have a bright road ahead! Use this cleared time wisely: gym 3-4x weekly, eat clean, chase hobbies and goals. Serve others—volunteer, mentor younger guys, help at church, chase God (the only one who really fills the void).

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”